can anyone recommend a butplug ,prefer vibrating but will take either, that i can put in my ass and keep it there without worrying about it getting sucked in or at least retrievable

You can check them out at aneros.com. More forums, blogs, wiki, chats than you could ever read; guests are very welcome, and the natives are friendly.

The good point of them is that they are not simple butt plugs, but are designed with a tab that acts as a fulcrum to use involuntary anal clenches to massage the prostate. Guys who use them can often get hours of continual strong dry orgasms like a multiorgasmic woman. (your mileage may vary). Like a fly rod at the fishing hole, it's a simple system that requires some expertise.

I have posted several demonstration videos here with running commentaries on the sensations. You can search for Aneros in videos here.

I have nothing to do with the company except being a happy camper who wants to share the fun.

High Island Health designed and marketed them as hands off prostate massage; their customers found the sensual side effects. They kept selling to the health market, but started marketing them as Aneros toys, too, which is now a much bigger business.